Toilet Paper And Unwanted Advances

Okay lets first start off by saying, the following events are true. In no way, shape, or form do they represent the views and opinions of all Men just this one :). Okay so I admit it I'm bored, I live a very simple life. Very routine, but that is a good thing for me. All my friends are married, have kids, or are just to emotional damaged to go out anymore so I did what a bored Man is supposed to do. I got a night time job! Its not what you think, I'm not waiting tables, or working the graveyard shifts on the docks. I am bouncing at a bar. Look I understand what you are feeling and thinking right now, and the answer is no I did not watch road house and wanted to become a bouncer. I actually just fell into it. You see with my Chuck Norris like martial arts training a couple of guys at my work said I should do it, so I did!
Now the stereo typical bouncer is supposed to be big, (check) and he is supposed to have a tight shirt on (check) and he is supposed to suppress acts of violence on a drop of a dime (check), and he is supposed to replenish toilet paper. (wait what?) Ah yes the intricacy of bouncing. So here is the meat of the story. I get a tap on the shoulder from a women who says "There is no toilet paper in the Women's bathroom!" I looked at her with a confused look "Ahhh, you are going to have to tell the bartender I can't leave the backdoor." That set of a chain reaction of what it seamed like a never ending line of Women taping me on the shoulder "There is no toilet paper, there is no toilet paper, there is no toilet paper!" WAIT!!! THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER IN THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM! And I have been touched by at least ten Women saying the exact phrase, which leads me to the conclusion of poor hygiene upkeep on there part! When I got a break from the rush of excited hormone induced people from the back door I checked the bathroom to find out that not only was there no toilet paper, but there was no paper towels either! UGHHH!!!!!! GROSSSS!!!!!!! Now I know what you are thinking. There is still the possibility of jean drying the hands, but for the sake of making the story more compelling and interesting I will say that I know for a fact that there was no jean dry! If that is not disgusting enough, I vividly watched those women group about a hand full of Men's faces with there dirty hands. So the ending of these ballad comes with all those Women who's faces are etched in my long term memory for the rest of my natural life, came up to me at the the end of the night stumbling and projecting what smelled like fruit and vomit, and said "give me a hug, cutie!" I said what any self respecting single man can "Don't touch me!" In conclusion make sure to keep the toilet seat down and tip your waitress.